wha' happened?

its unnerving...i'm in some kind of weird mental state. its like a combination of confusion, frustration, excitement, and anticipation all wrapped up into one feeling thats not going anywhere. and i can't seem to make it go away...

emily says its probably the imminent workload...like that sense that hell is about to begin, but you're not there yet...and some other stuff..it made sense when she explained it today. but now, i'm just confused again.

but i think its more than the work...the idea that i won't be living here next year, and won't be living with these people, and won't be playing ultimate with those people, is slowly dawning on me. we took our senior class picture with all the civils yesterday on the roof of mudd; how many of those people will i never see again? i'm friends with a good number of them, but not to the point where i would keep contact if it weren't for class and proximity. most of my good friends are staying in new york, and hopefully i'll be back here in a year or two, but still, people move and change and grow, and its scary that it won't be the same again. as much as i love change (hence the reason i move around my bedroom furniture weekly), i hate to have good things end. well, duh catherine, who doesn't?

okay, this is getting too depressing for a sober wednesday afternoon, but i just needed to physically write it out so i can stop thinking about it and do some reading about something i care absolutley nothing about. woo.